Liberty is in War - so it does not matter since he took an Academy on how to Command a Battleship. Therefore - age is not required - yet, he paid a lot for his tuition to get to that level.
However, my problem with the story is - Was there any faults on getting the ship that your character father has been commanding? Some backup information and story can be implemented in their as well about that. How did your father died and why did your mother leave you after birth? Did you had adopted parents? Whats yous purpose in Liberty with a LN Dreadnought? Who is your commander, navigator, your crew (not all, just a few)? What are their roles aboard the ship? Do you have comm logs for great RP you have made?
These are questions that can make your story very well detailed, for the least. As a result, as I read it, It sounded like a "Time Line" or some sort. Maybe is just me :|
Jeremy Hunter probably shoots keys from his cruiser, be quiet.
Also your sig is over forum limits.
Vex, Luis is right, it's more of a timeline than anything. I think it would work better if you turned it more into a biography, expand on the details that perhaps seem pointless, but are interesting nonetheless.