First, I must explain that, no, I am not actually angry. There's no smoke coming out of my ears; I'm not foaming at the mouth; I'm not speaking profanese without a single English word; my decibel level is not higher than a jet. Readers, please do not assume that I'm actually severely upset; I'm just talking about something that everyone has dealt with plenty of times before.
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Don't you hate when people criticize your manners when you're not actually being rude? Now, it's one thing if you're a child, and your parents are teaching you to behave in a specific way, but when you're being polite, and somebody accuses you of being rude, as far as I'm concerned they're being rude to me by insulting me without any cause, as calling me "rude" is offensive.
I'll start making up a few examples, I'm sure most of you have been in at least one of these situations:
Somebody offers to do something for you, or get something for you. Then they pause, and say "thank you" sarcastically, as though to criticize you for not yet thanking them. Just because I haven't said "thank you" yet, doesn't mean that I'm not thankful. I usually thank a person after they've finished whatever they're doing, or after they've given me whatever they're giving me; not after they say they will. Additionally, even if I didn't say anything, it doesn't mean that I'm not thankful. Plenty of people say "thank you" when they're not grateful, or remain silent, but remember the person's help and treat the person kindly for it. Real gratefulness comes in your treatment of the person who granted you the favor, not in two words that you speak out loud. People who expect a verbal "thank you" are only doing it to raise other peoples' opinions of them.
When you're walking around in public with your parent/parents, and a person is coming along. You're against the wall/shelf/whatever's on the side, and your father is in the middle of the isle. He tells you "Stop being rude, get out of the person's way", when the only person in the way is him. My father still does that whenever I go anywhere with him today, always trying to make himself look polite by accusing me of being rude, and pretending that he's a great parent teaching me manners. I've always got to put on the "guilty little kid" face, even though I'm bigger than he is, and pretend that he's taught me a lesson.
When you're at a buffet, getting food, in a sort of line of other people who are also walking along the buffet counters, and somebody (in my case, my father) tells you "get out of that woman's way, stop being rude". I'm in a line, why should I leave the line without food and let a woman behind me go? He's just always trying to impress the ladies, and it of course never works; that's not what you do to impress a woman. Besides, if he wants to be so courteous, he should step out of the line himself.
When you're eating, and somebody criticizes the way that you're holding your silverware, or the angle that your arms are bent at. Why should I have to turn myself into a replica of the English style, holding my silverware and eating exactly the same way that they do? How am I being rude by holding my silverware any differently? I'm not making any faces, saying anything inappropriate, or entering anyone else's personal space. I'm not making any sort of mess; I'm not doing anything to interfere with other people. People need to learn to mind their own business; I'm not hurting anyone else by holding my silverware the way it's most comfortable for my hands.
When a woman opens a door, about 10 yards in front of you, and (in my case, my father, as always), who is even closer to the door than you are, tells you "You should have opened the door for her". Firstly, in today's world, a woman gets pissed when a man opens the door for her, because women want to be all "independent of men" (until money comes along, men are expected to always pay the check). Secondly, the door was 10 yards in front of me, I'm not going to sprint to open a door for somebody, and look like I'm overly eager to impress some woman with undue courtesy. Thirdly, he was closer to the door than I was; if anything, he should have run up and opened it himself if it's that important to him.
When you're in a restaurant with somebody else paying the bill, and you order some food that costs $8, and your parent says "Don't be so rude, stop ordering such expensive things on someone else's check," so you get some tiny amount of food instead, while your parent proceeds to order something that costs $17, and of course doesn't finish it. When you ask if you can have some, you're accused of being greedy for trying to take someone else's food. When the bill comes along, the high price is blamed on you.
When your parent is eating at all sorts of expensive restaurants every day, and you're accused of being self-centered as you ask for some food that costs a couple bucks from the nearest joint, and your parent explains to you that he doesn't have any money, and you need to stop being so rude by asking for so much.
When something tastes like crap, and you say "this doesn't taste so good", you're accused of being rude, and have to eat it anyway. When your parent has to wait a couple of seconds longer than he thought he would, or there is a very slight error in service, he proceeds to shout profanely and leave, swearing to never return.
When the people in your house ask for a total of 4 eggs, 12 pieces of bacon, and 4 sausage links, you cook 8 eggs, 24 pieces of bacon, and 8 sausage links, in order to provide food for yourself, as you haven't eaten in a very long time. You are then accused of being "greedy and rude" when you take half of the food for yourself, even though you're leaving exactly the amount that everybody asked for. You are then accused of being rude for not having cleaned the dishes yet, when you're in the middle of eating, and it's "rude to leave dishes for someone else to clean" after you just served them by cooking their meal.
When you talk about something that is clean, and not insulting, but doesn't necessarily show a woman in the most favorable way (for example, telling a funny tale about her breaking a glass or something), and are told "That's not polite dinner conversation". The woman who was spoken of then proceeds to talk about her problems of changing diapers, and the messes that happen sometimes when the diaper leaks.
There's more, of course, but these are just some of my happy childhood memories with my father teaching me his good manners.
I'll probably do more rants in the future.
So, don't you hate it when a rude person criticizes your manners? Talk about it below (or just whine about how much I've been whining).
I treat women no different than I treat men. Oh, you're a woman, that means I should hold the door for you?
Nope. I'll hold the door for you because you're a fellow human being. Unless you ask me to, with the reasoning that you're a woman and you deserve to have the door opened by someone else.
Then I'll walk right past you and slam the door in your face.
' Wrote:I treat women no different than I treat men. Oh, you're a woman, that means I should hold the door for you?
Nope. I'll hold the door for you because you're a fellow human being. Unless you ask me to, with the reasoning that you're a woman and you deserve to have the door opened by someone else.
Then I'll walk right past you and slam the door in your face.
I wouldn't slam the door in a person's face for it, but I wouldn't open it for a person who asked rudely.
If nobody's around that would judge me for it, I'd only open doors for people who need it, for example if they're carrying something, have a disability, are injured, or are just tired/not feeling well, regardless of the gender. As well as kids, some doors can be heavy for them.
If someone wants me to treat them equally, he/she will need to treat me equally, without asking for extra courtesy. (Not just talking about balance of man/woman, also applies to situations where a person with a management job gets too used to bossing other people around outside of work)
Off-topic: Is that a Jimmy Dean sausage and egg bagel in your avatar?
Attitude/social nicity is overrated. Most of the time it's just a social tool to get what you want. I personaly just hate it then people attempt to small talk with me while not having any particular subject to talk about. Now ofc that makes me a loner of some sort, but heck I'm not regreting it.
Did you ever had such encounter then one person simply asks how ya doin'? try to actually say how you are doing expecially if you are having a tough time. Most likely that person who is asking will just look down to their shoes for a second, shrug and blable something like: "too bad.." and will go with their s... for the rest of the day. Thing is - they don't give a rats arse about how you are doing, yet pretend they do. So ask yourself, what's nicer, a guy who atleast acts honestly about his intentions or one who tries to make a better image of himself infront of you by pretending?
Thing is: you can't say who person actually is by jugding only by his attitude. Which most of the time is decieving.
Now I'm not implying that every person should be an arse. There is ethics, there is public places and so then ethic code is requires just so we do not cut our throats. But then it comes to personal relationship, personal space, personal time etc.., I'm not going to pretend to like someone if I don't. Nor I have to like someone. Expecially than most of the time that particular someone is bland, vain and sensual. Just bunch of conformists in huge quantities but no new qualities. This might be offensive most of the time, but that's how I see most of the people, unworthy of respect. I recognize their dignity, but that is all.
What I mean by saying bland and vain? Populist humanists or social activists like to point out the uniqness of people. Of diffrent people. Well, I don't see it. You can bam me with baseball bat as long as you want, you still won't make me see it. All I see is just diffrent reaction to exterior or interior stimuli. Take that away and they are all the same. That uniqness most people are reffering ends up as reflection of surrounding they are living in which manifests as reaction/diffrent actions. Which by themselves are just patters formed by previuos stimuli and reactions. Such people are predictable, broing, barely thinking for themselves and obviuosly not someone I want to talk with.
To be brutaly honest, my view on majority is kind of simple. There was a test with a lab rat which was allowed to push one of the two buttons once per day. One of which gave it food, other stimulated it's brain to give a rat orgasm. After some time rodent end up dead because of starvation since it only pushed the button which gave it bigger pleasure. Heh, after all, maybe it's good, that minority guids the world. Mistakes are common, but it's still better. Untill people will be consciuos enough about what they are going this is the best we can have.
' Wrote:Attitude/social nicity is overrated. Most of the time it's just a social tool to get what you want. I personaly just hate it then people attempt to small talk with me while not having any particular subject to talk about. Now ofc that makes me a loner of some sort, but heck I'm not regreting it.
Did you ever had such encounter then one person simply asks how ya doin'? try to actually say how you are doing expecially if you are having a tough time. Most likely that person who is asking will just look down to their shoes for a second, shrug and blable something like: "too bad.." and will go with their s... for the rest of the day. Thing is - they don't give a rats arse about how you are doing, yet pretend they do. So ask yourself, what's nicer, a guy who atleast acts honestly about his intentions or one who tries to make a better image of himself infront of you by pretending?
Thing is: you can't say who person actually is by jugding only by his attitude. Which most of the time is decieving.
Now I'm not implying that every person should be an arse. There is ethics, there is public places and so then ethic code is requires just so we do not cut our throats. But then it comes to personal relationship, personal space, personal time etc.., I'm not going to pretend to like someone if I don't. Nor I have to like someone. Expecially than most of the time that particular someone is bland, vain and sensual. Just bunch of conformists in huge quantities but no new qualities. This might be offensive most of the time, but that's how I see most of the people, unworthy of respect. I recognize their dignity, but that is all.
What I mean by saying bland and vain? Populist humanists or social activists like to point out the uniqness of people. Of diffrent people. Well, I don't see it. You can bam me with baseball bat as long as you want, you still won't make me see it. All I see is just diffrent reaction to exterior or interior stimuli. Take that away and they are all the same. That uniqness most people are reffering ends up as reflection of surrounding they are living in which manifests as reaction/diffrent actions. Which by themselves are just patters formed by previuos stimuli and reactions. Such people are predictable, broing, barely thinking for themselves and obviuosly not someone I want to talk with.
To be brutaly honest, my view on majority is kind of simple. There was a test with a lab rat which was allowed to push one of the two buttons once per day. One of which gave it food, other stimulated it's brain to give a rat orgasm. After some time rodent end up dead because of starvation since it only pushed the button which gave it bigger pleasure. Heh, after all, maybe it's good, that minority guids the world. Mistakes are common, but it's still better. Untill people will be consciuos enough about what they are going this is the best we can have.
A bit offtopic, but whatever.
That is indeed off-topic, but I'll reply anyway. Just don't turn it into an off-topic conversation that takes up the whole thread, long as it's just a few posts I can deal with a little off-topic in my thread.
Anyway, yeah in today's world it's pretty hard to see uniqueness in other people. Any sane person can easily be diagnosed with psychotic disorders for viewing the people of this world the way that they are. Most of the people conform to particular groups, no matter how stupid their groups get.
Take the hip hop culture, for instance. Everyone pretends to be a gangsta from a ghetto neighborhood. And for whatever reason all of these "gangstas" have smartphones and $300 shoes that their parents bought them. Yeah, very independent and they sure know the ghettos well. First thing that would happen if they walked in a real ghetto is that these kids would have their $300 shoes and smartphone stolen.
Although, I guess I could sort of thank the hip-hop culture, it might have a good effect on the world one day. Eventually, all of the dumbest people of the world who conform to be "ganstas" will either be in jail if they're real, or just homeless if they're fake. Either way, chances of them raising kids to be stupid like they are, are pretty slim.
Also -- for people who try to accuse me of being racist against black people just because I don't like the hip hop culture - there are wannabe gangstas of every color, if you assume I'm talking about black americans just because I mention gangstas, you're being racist yourself. Another thing: Don't accuse me of being racist for calling people "black". I don't say "African Americans when I'm talking about people who've been living here for hundreds of years, they're just as American as any white person who lives here; the only difference is skin color. When you talk about a white person who's been in a family that lived here for hundreds of years, do you call him a European American? People try to avoid being called a racist by stating the point of birth for people of skin colors other than white, instead of stating the person's skin color, but really that's just being racist, because terms like "African American, Asian American, and such, were originally coined to describe a person who has moved to the united states during their lifetime, and has a background in another country. If I speak to a person who clearly has a Nigerian accent, then yes that person could be referred to as an African American. The only difference between most people here is skin color. There is no cultural background in other countries if you were born and raised here in the United States. It doesn't matter what a person's skin color is; they're all Americans if they were born and raised here. Also, not all black people have ancestors from Africa, so that's yet another reason that calling all black people African Americans simply doesn't fit.
Bottom of the line: In today's world, most people do things that are actually racist in an attempt to show that they're not racist. And other stupid people gobble it up and believe the person isn't racist. Racism doesn't only apply to poor treatment. If you treat people of a certain race -better- even, just to insist you're not racist, you're actually being racist. The best way to get rid of racism is to not waste any time trying to prove you're not racist, and don't even bother thinking about whether or not you're racist. And people need to stop accusing everyone of being racist when they do something that isn't 100% perfect, to somebody who happens to be of another ethnicity. They could have simply made an honest mistake. Or, they could be treating the person poorly due to the fact that the person had done something poorly himself, and not because of any difference in skin color.
For example: In a fast-food restaurant, ever seen a black woman go up to the counter and start shouting and cursing at a cashier, and when the cashier eventually asks the woman to shut up, after repeatedly saying "calm down, please". Most of the time, such a cashier would instantly be called "racist" just for telling a black woman to shut up, regardless of the fact that in such a situation, anybody would tell the woman to shut up, regardless of either person's skin color.
I should probably turn this into another Rant thread, though. In fact, I think I will.
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