I showed my draft to some member from the High Command today. They said it was well written, but I wasn't able to submit it in a clean copy, because I am not at the right rank for now... I wonder when I will graduate. I reacted like all was fine to me. I did not show anger or something alike. I only smilled and walk away. Of course, inside of me I was totally out of myself. I would want to break something in pieces. I really need to go there! I need to find the ship and use it for the job. I need something that would difine who I am. I am not against using Liberty's ships or technologies, but something is calling me. I can't just stay and denie the call. It is like if you denied your gods that you believed in during all your life. It is also like if the rank was more important than you are. Argh! Now I see the opposite side when in an organization like that... I don't say I don't like working in my job. By the way, why should I supposed to wait until the rank? I could buy a ship and name it differently and go away, but I think I am observed by cameras and computers.... This is why I write on papers. Don't tell me how I have papers. What happened made me forget about the pirate who wanted to have a date with me a good thing, but I don't know to be honest. I don't know what to do. No friends. Only comrades of work and that's it. I don't even know how they see me... I don't even know how people see me... I'm affraid. I'm affraid to be quicked out like a dog, I'm affraid to be always a failure, I'm affraid to be an heavyweight for all of the member of the 46th.
*A tear is flowing over the cheek of Sinon.*
Strange... I... cry... I didn't cry when I was young... How pathetic of me.... I feel more heavier than before... Is it because I am to hard to myself? No... I think it is loneliness...