"Sir!"
Fleet Admiral Percy Nelles looked up from his desk at the aide who had just entered his office.
"What?"
"I have alarming news! The entire food rations of the Bretonian Armed Forces have been spiked with an ancient drug, Lysergic acid diethylamide, also known as LSD. We think it was the Mollies."
Percy nodded.
"Almost the entire Fleet has been affected. Commodore McKenna, Admiral Stuart, and the crew of the Churchill report symptoms."
The aide continued. "I myself can now see music. Trippy. Broccolli Bacon?"
The aide handed the Admiral a bacon wrapped hors'd'oeuvre. The Fleet Admiral waved it away.
"This explains why I've been looking at my shower curtain for 4 hours. Should we be alarmed?"
"Well sir, I am, but that's because I keep seeing crazy stuff. Pretty sure I rode up the elevator with a horse. Might have been Lt DeBeers though; she's ugly."
The Fleet Admiral smiled dreamily and stroked an imaginary cat.
"Next time, Gadget."
Transmission to: BAF Command
Comm ID: Lord Sir Reginald Notworthy III, BAF Privateers
Thought of the Day: Hrlgbursh-Cake
Sah, It's happened! The Purple Elephants have attacked Candyland, and are moving towards The Liquor Cabinet in force! The High Command is completely Stoned! Someone help, we're completely fu-
*Static*
[Comm ID: Lt. George Harrington]
Well sir we were attacked on two sides today. The first being the SCRA in Cambridge right after my shift started. We lost a Destroyer before they fled, after rescuing the pilot another more equipped destroyer stepped in and the two coalition ships were quickly outgunned.
Then we received report of a noodle muncher invasion. I was dehydrated from the fight so had a quick glass of water on the way. From then on things get a little hazy. It seems they had space elephants fighting on their side, no matter how much I shot at them they kept coming at us! The destroyers were trampled by the wave of Jump gates, before the admiral flew into a coin. I was then destroyed by a welly boot, not before neutralizing a target though. he seemed to be flying a tin of baked beans.
Well I'm confused, no records exist of the battles, mine were destroyed with the ship, I think I need another glass of water...
Harrington out
To BAF Command
From [lpx]Micheal.Drucker
Sirs, I flew through leeds in my trader this night and saw that the KNF is now in charge of Leeds. May I ask when you sold the system to them?
' Wrote:To BAF Command
From [lpx]Micheal.Drucker
Sirs, I flew through leeds in my trader this night and saw that the KNF is now in charge of Leeds. May I ask when you sold the system to them?
To: Michael Drucker
Comm. ID: Admiral Sir Andrew Stuart
---Transmission Initiated---
Right now, much is under classfication, as we have not fully investigated the matter, sir. All you need to know is that we're fighting as hard as possible, although, mistakes have been admittedly made. My own troops are crippling Kusari's economy, making it harder for her to field large fleets.
However, I have heard reports that one of our battleships abandoned its post in Leeds to go on a needless venture into Magellan. The Captain and ship shall remain unnamed in order to protect the innocent.
Don't worry, sir, I'll make sure that this doesn't continue, and that our men and women behave like responsible guardians of the Bretonian people.
Thank you.
-Stuart out
---Transmission Terminated---
From [Ipx]Micheal.Drucker
Actually, if it's the Battleship called Churchill, I have to say it's refreshing to have a Bretonian military unit that will actually try to stop the pirates that constantly enter Leeds, rather than allow them to disrupt bretonian shipping relentlessly.
Perhaps if you paid more attention to your own backyard you wouldn't have suffered such a defeat today?
' Wrote:From [Ipx]Micheal.Drucker
Actually, if it's the Battleship called Churchill, I have to say it's refreshing to have a Bretonian military unit that will actually try to stop the pirates that constantly enter Leeds, rather than allow them to disrupt bretonian shipping relentlessly.
To: Michael Drucker
Comm. ID: Admiral Sir Andrew Stuart
---Transmission Initiated---
Unfortunately, we can only do one thing at a time. We can either deter pirates, hiring the Bounty Hunters' Guild to deal the killing blow, whilst defending our home grounds against KNF invasions, or we can chase after them, leaving our rear and home front vulnerable.
However, to be brutally honest, my job isn't to discuss military strategy with untrained civilians.
If one wants to hunt pirates, or fight the Kusari Naval Forces, I could recommend that you sign up for the Bretonian Armed Forces and get involved personally, in the thick of the fighting. One of the reasons for being unable to combat our foes in both Magellan and the Tau-Leeds border is that we don't have as many recruits that we would like.
Contact our recruitment office. Fight for Her Majesty.
Thank you, Mr. Drucker.
-Stuart out
---Transmission Terminated---
To BAF Command
From [lpx]Micheal.Drucker
Perhaps it's wise to make sure your home front is protected first? I'm no military genius but what good does it do for you to harrass Kusari shipping while your fleet is in ruins and Leed bombarded?
Perhaps better leadership would inspire more recruits? Just a thought.
Anyway, sushi and tempura taste pretty good I've heard, so I will adapt.
' Wrote:To BAF Command
From [lpx]Micheal.Drucker
Perhaps it's wise to make sure your home front is protected first? I'm no military genius but what good does it do for you to harrass Kusari shipping while your fleet is in ruins and Leed bombarded?
Perhaps better leadership would inspire more recruits? Just a thought.
Anyway, sushi and tempura taste pretty good I've heard, so I will adapt.
To: Mr. Drucker
Comm. ID: Admiral Sir Andrew Stuart
---Transmission Initiated---
Please, leave the strategic lessons in your video games and history books, civilian. Your inexperience tires me, for we all know that armies march on their stomachs, and that is where my wing hits them. I doubt that my own Dirty Dozen could make a noticable difference on the front lines, so one assigns them to where they get the most effect, the pocketbooks and bellies of the dogeaters. The more we raid them, the less battleships they move into the Taus.
Aside from military matters you'll find of interest that the large presence of Synth Foods in Kusari actually reduces the amount of tempura paste available, it largely being replaced by Synth Paste. We in Bretonia are the only nation with a reliable, high-quality, food source independent of Synth Foods. Adapt to that as you wish, but you
will stop hassling me with half-baked surrender-monkey ideas.
If you want to make a real difference, shoot a slant, and stop your crying to me. My job isn't to give you a reacharound. Get off my channel immediately, for I shall be far too busy doing my job to deal with civilian complaints. Perhaps you could contact your local MP, instead of leaving messages for the Armed Forces? Please note the rhetorical nature of the question, squire.
Cheers.
-Stuart out
---Transmission Terminated---
To BAF Command
From [lpx]Micheal.Drucker
Well then, let me apologize, because to a simple civilian like me, who fails to see the brilliant strategic move of abandoning magellian to begin with can obviously never understand your brilliant strategy of allowing two Kusari invasions in as many days, the loss of several cap ships, and the way you brilliantly fail to capitalize on the KNF's other enemies as you strategically let them deal you defeat after defeat.
Clearly your military brilliance is far above the ability of simple mortals to fathom, and I'm sure the Kusari are just as stumped by it.